sidenote.

i'm totally never posting anything again.
I always ruin everything.
-sigh-



-dies-

Untitled 85

Hmm...
I don't know what your objectives are, if anything.
But I think you're trying to express things about me, regarding your feelings and whatnot, indirectly.
And I'm kind of glad, because I've had a lot to say for a while.
Exactly how I feel about all this.
And I don't know how you would react.
After the things we've gone through, I'm terrified of your reaction.


Here goes nothing.
-deep breath-


Everyday I wake up wondering if I'll talk to you, saddened at the possibility of not.
Everyday my heart skips when the phone goes off, or whatever, hoping it's you.
Everyday I wonder where your thoughts and heart lie.
Everyday I argue with myself about this "relationship".
Everyday I miss you.
I have flashbacks, memories, and dreams that still pull me down.
Half the time my stomach's in knots cause of thoughts or you being unpredictable.


I know we had issues.
And we both went mental.
But you should have seen me when we stopped talking.
All that time, I was a wreck.
I felt dead, like when you left you took my life with you.
In a sense, you did...
But you know.


And I knew this would happen.
I knew we'd end up talking again.
I just never knew how long it'd be till then.
And I knew we'd get confused again, and not have a clue what to do.
I think that's kind of where we stand now.
-epic sigh-


Basically, it comes down to this [as usual];

I miss you.
I love you.
Yes, I forgive you for whatever.
And I guess it's up to you now.


We did say whatever happens, happens.
-shrug-
What else is there to say?
What do you WANT me to say?
...or do?


You've probably either run off screaming and flailing or something similar.
Sorry.
I just, you know, can't hold things in anymore.
I don't like to explode and I have been 'clean' for 2ish weeks.
......yeah.
So, here you have it.
I sound like an idiot.
And I'm sure I've terrified you.
But....-sigh-
Just think about it?
And don't beat yourself up over it.
Please.


Bella

Untitled 84

Hey.
Don't stress yourself over things.
Please.
You'll end up exploding.
And for once, I'd like you to not explode.
=/


We said whatever happens happens....
Right?



It'll be okay.
Promise.

Untitled 83

Where's my blog?
D:



And I still wanna know what you wanted the other day.
I keep having weird dreams and junk from that.
xD

Untitled 82

I hate it when you don't post blogs regularly.
I always read them before I go to bed.
-sigh-
Yer ruining my daily bedtime schedule, here.
xD



ps;
82 notes?
I've lost my mind.
x___x

Untitled 81

So, your video was amusing.
I still wanna see the other vlogs for yer whatever you call it thing.
You're not keeping up.
-chuckles-



Post something on your blog, please.
Don't keep throwing me off my daily bedtime ritual.
...Gonna go hide and die now.



Oh, and I got yelled at today.
For talking to you.
It was Kat.
And it's like, the second time she's talked to me since we started talking.
So whatever.
Fuck it.
Go figure she waits till a crappy day to start yelling at me about something that's not even her problem.
-screams-



-is going to sleep-

Untitled 80

I feel like an idiot.
Just, for the record.
-headdesk-

Untitled 79

This whole surprise on Sunday thing is about to kill me.
Tell me something?
Just the slightest thing.
Please?
D:





Either that, or show me Bella lyrics.
=]

Untitled 78

Talk to me.
Tell me what's on your mind.
-__-
Or not.


-epic sigh-

Untitled 77

So far, so good.
I'm glad.
=]





Sidenote, you know you can post cmnts on here.
So if you have something to tell me, you can always do that.
-shrug-

Untitled 76

I don't know why I'm posting this.
We're talking right now.
But whatever.


You do what you need to do.
We told each other once it wouldn't happen again.
It did.
It's happening now.


I say we play it by ear.
If you want to talk to me, IM me.
Or whatever.
And vice versa.
...


I don't know what we're doing.
We'll both move on eventually.
But I don't really think shutting each other out is really going to help.
...Or work, you know.


And I have no idea what else to say.
Let's just....do whatever.





And I will never let that Bella song sitch go.
Nope.
I will hear it one day.
...cause you'll slip up.
I know.
xD

Untitled 75

At least you're alive.
Gahhhh.
Can you keep yourself together for a while so I don't have a damn heartattack and wreck on 64?
-sigh-


I'm gonna assume that was you with the weird texting.
Ugh.
And uhh.
You were talking about me?
Not even asking.


I'm just glad you're okay.
Well.
Sort of.
...
You know what I mean.
And thank you for listening and calling me this morning.
Even if you did wake me up from hardly any sleep.
>_<


And sorry for telling Jared.
I thought he'd know where you were, though.
Or if something happened, I figured he'd know.
He's a good person, you know.
It's not like he's gonna snitch.
I'm not sure why you flipped about that.
But either way, sorry.
D:

Untitled 74

Oh my god.
I don't know what's going on.
Or why you called me.
Or anything.
And Jared's so confused too.
And HOMG.
-screams-

I just hope you're okay.
D:

Untitled 73

O_O
What'd I do now?

Untitled 72

I'm writing again.
My poetry.
Something I haven't managed since summer 2006.
And I know it's cause of you.



....so thanks.
It helps.
Even though it's some twisted shit.
o_O



And get some sleep.
You don't wanna get hooked on Ambien.
D:
...work on those thoughts?
I'd sleep if I didn't have migraines.
Be thankful you're not getting them.
>_<



...And I'm going to shut up.