Untitled 85

Hmm...
I don't know what your objectives are, if anything.
But I think you're trying to express things about me, regarding your feelings and whatnot, indirectly.
And I'm kind of glad, because I've had a lot to say for a while.
Exactly how I feel about all this.
And I don't know how you would react.
After the things we've gone through, I'm terrified of your reaction.


Here goes nothing.
-deep breath-


Everyday I wake up wondering if I'll talk to you, saddened at the possibility of not.
Everyday my heart skips when the phone goes off, or whatever, hoping it's you.
Everyday I wonder where your thoughts and heart lie.
Everyday I argue with myself about this "relationship".
Everyday I miss you.
I have flashbacks, memories, and dreams that still pull me down.
Half the time my stomach's in knots cause of thoughts or you being unpredictable.


I know we had issues.
And we both went mental.
But you should have seen me when we stopped talking.
All that time, I was a wreck.
I felt dead, like when you left you took my life with you.
In a sense, you did...
But you know.


And I knew this would happen.
I knew we'd end up talking again.
I just never knew how long it'd be till then.
And I knew we'd get confused again, and not have a clue what to do.
I think that's kind of where we stand now.
-epic sigh-


Basically, it comes down to this [as usual];

I miss you.
I love you.
Yes, I forgive you for whatever.
And I guess it's up to you now.


We did say whatever happens, happens.
-shrug-
What else is there to say?
What do you WANT me to say?
...or do?


You've probably either run off screaming and flailing or something similar.
Sorry.
I just, you know, can't hold things in anymore.
I don't like to explode and I have been 'clean' for 2ish weeks.
......yeah.
So, here you have it.
I sound like an idiot.
And I'm sure I've terrified you.
But....-sigh-
Just think about it?
And don't beat yourself up over it.
Please.


Bella