words.

Your lyrics....

I don't know what to say.

except I know it's based on what's going on now with us.

...

maybe that's it.

Maybe you just need to show me lyrics.

You know, instead of telling me stuff.

Just put it all in lyrical form and go from there.

I don't know.

Just an idea.

But it seems to work.

Your lyrics always seem to be about whatever is making you lkadg at the time, and I understand how you feel about things from that.

Well, not always, but a lot/most of the time.

I'm rambling.

It's...whatever.

I'm not going to push you into anything.

You tell me when you're ready.

I can deal.

I have before.

reassurance.

Just remember I'll be here as long as you want me here.

No matter what.

And that I love you.

Lots.

I'm sorry I'm so confusing.

But so are you.

Oh well.

It'll all come together sooner or later.

Keep your head up.

You're not weak.

I don't think so, anyway.

Just keep yourself together.

iiiiiloveloveloveyou.

. . .

I really enjoyed spending so much time with you today.

(:

I think Java Java keeps me in my right mind. There's something peaceful and comforting about being there.

I hope you get some rest.

I thought you were going to kill me on the way home from making me laugh so much.

"We were almost at a coffee shop for 10 hours!"

*shakes head*

You're so silly.

(:

loveyou<3

response.

Space.

We'll figure something out. Even if you have to hide over here for a while. I promise things will be okay eventually.

You know, I never thought I'd say this. But maybe we need some time apart from each other to appreciate each other again. I mean, I'm totally okay with you at this point, as far as being annoyed with you goes. Minus you getting so adhga at me for things I do. That's where the list comes in. You really need to write that, so I have a better understanding. Some things I can change, I'm sure. But there are some things I've probably always done that are just me, and you know...love comes with flaws. It's not perfect. And if you still love me, you'll eventually learn to accept them. 

Speaking of love...I'm not exactly sure how you can say you don't know where I stand exactly. Though maybe it's the same way I am right now. I feel like I love you more than you love me, if you love me at all anymore. But I do love you. Absolutely, positively, 100%. How could I not? I might die without you in my life. Having you in my life has made it so much brighter, has made me stronger, made me understand things easier...you've changed me. You've changed my life. And I love every moment we have together, but I hate the fights. But I also know that they're a part of life, and they're not something we can really avoid. Aside from that, which I've accepted, life is amazing with you, and empty without you.

. . . . .

Moving on.

The feelings that fade in and out.......I do the same thing, though I don't think it's quite as often as you do. I get really alkdhglakd with you and things fade then. And there are other times where I'm incandescently happy with you. It's really confusing. I thought I was the only one that did that...

You and I can only help each other when it comes to our relationship. We're the only ones that understand EVERYTHING that we've gone through. And you know, there are going to be really shitty things that happen in relationships, but they all work out. We've gotten through things before, you know. We can work this out again.

This made me think back to the first time we got together. Around the time we went to see Sweeney Todd, you broke up with me, and the way you and I acted that first time, we were together, but distant. It was always odd to me. I was afraid to get close to you sometimes because you'd draw yourself away. And that's what you do now. That took some talking, some arguing, etc. But we got through it. So I really think we can get through this. Hell, we got through the last breakup. We've gone through a lot. We're strong, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. I really have faith in this. I just think you need to think about things more, and find some faith in it, too.

The visions....you get visions of James. I get flashbacks of us when we were together. I think there may be some things we go through, or things that you or I do, that remind you of things that happened with you and James. I don't know what happened with you two. I've always been curious, but you don't have to tell me. I've just been curious because it seemed like he was part of the conflict when you and I broke up. He's connected to you, he's made some sort of impact on you, though I don't know what. I just know you two had/have something, that connection....I don't know. Bringing in the Twilight references again, he's kind of like your Jacob. Bella loves him but she can't and isn't going to do anything about it. I'm not getting adlkghad over James. It is what it is. It...honestly doesn't bother me all that much anymore. I understand.

Trail of confusion is an understatement. I hate it. Absolutely loathe it. And like I've said, we really need to work on things. I think, now that you have this in the open, we can. And I guess the idea of having someone has changed? Or I've changed that for you? Because you used to say you were okay being detached from everyone. But I guess you're detached from everyone but me. That's what you said before, and it still makes sense. Make the list, and we'll have that, this, and your blog to go by. It'll get better. Time. It does wonders. You just have to have the proper patience.

The distance with us...I still think that's mostly you. I guess sometimes I act strange and you know, I don't really know why. I get in odd moods sometimes that no one really knows how to react to. A lot of the time I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with you, because you won't tell me. I spend a lot of time trying to interpret your thoughts, figure out what's going through your head, why you're reacting to things the way you are, wondering where things are going to go from wherever we are at that moment, etc. I'm trying to read you, which is why I watch you a lot. Though sometimes, when you're in these insanely emotional moods, I watch you to make sure you're not going to just start flailing and screaming in the seat beside me. I just worry. And I care enough to sit there and watch you all fucking night to make sure you won't do something psychotic. I'd do anything for you, really. But you not telling me things, and pulling away from me/my touch, things like that, really bother me. Because then I just withdraw and keep things inside because you're backing away from me. You're going to have to learn to be open with me again, if you want things to work with us. And I'm going to have to learn to not be so afraid of your words and actions. I still brace myself for things, when we have talks, or you post serious blogs. I did it way back then, too, and I did it so much then that I think it's stuck with me. I need to stop doing that, too. 

We have a lot of learning to do, and a lot of things to talk about and work on. But we can do it. Just find the time, have patience, etc.

You will be okay.

I will be okay.

We will be okay.

I love you, Jeremy.

ps; thank you for finally posting this. you can't even imagine the weight that was lifted off my shoulders when i read it.

you know...

despite everything we've gone through, and everything we're akldga about...

i really do love you.

merry christmas.

<3

craigslist?

You have something to explain, I believe.

dlskghjsf.

i have this feeling you're giving up on everything involving us.

just...sort of hit me.

hrm.

well, at least i'm telling you what i'm thinking now.

instead of keeping it all inside and leaving you hanging.

now you know how i feel about things, and what's going on.

illbewaiting...

*ahem*

"I can’t imagine why that would be frustrating at all — just because someone refuses to tell you what they’re thinking, even if all the while they’re making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean… now, why would that be frustrating?"

i'm far too much like bella.

...and you're far too much like edward.

that can't be healthy.

the list...

i'm contemplating the list now.

but i don't have the fucking energy to make it at the moment.

the only thing that bothers me now is how secretive you are about things.

or maybe secretive isn't the word.

but you're so damn closed up.

sorry you can't "talk to me" anymore.

i'd like to fix that, don't know how, don't have answers, don't understand things.

...

*sigh*

=/

imsorryimsorryimsorry.

blog?

I'm not trying to be pushy.

But you really need to blog.

=/

. . .

ILOVEYOU.

(:

unsaid.

Sometimes I feel like you don't want me in your life anymore.

The way you act lately has made me question that.

I haven't asked because I've been afraid of the answer.

I just want us to love each other like we used to.

I miss you.

I miss us.

I miss the feeling of really being yours, but I'm not even referring to the relationship; just us being us.

I love you.

I'm not letting you go.

We're going to make this work.

Scare tactics.

I have to find some way to save you.

To fix you.

To make this life better for you.

I'm the only one that can.

Do NOT give up.

Please.

It will kill us both.

I love you more than anyone else in my life.

I need you, you need me.

I wish you'd just tell me instead of running away.

Like you did tonight.

You've never done that.

Ever.

And tonight was the scariest moment I've ever experienced in my life.

I don't think I've ever been so scared and worried about someone in my life as I am with you.

I feel so helpless.

I think you feel like you're losing me because you're cutting me off from things now and don't realize it.

I try to get inside and know and you won't tell me.

I do care.

I think you have the wrong perception of things.

Or something like that.

It's just........you're not you anymore.

Please.

Just let me in.

Let me save you.

I want you to see what I see.

It's frightening.

I love you so much, and I don't want things to get messed up in your life, in my life, with us, etc. because you're stressed. 

There's  a way to fix it.

You WILL be okay.

It WILL take time.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

. . .

i'm sorry.

=/

You're going to be okay.
I'm not going to let anything happen.
I refuse to let you do anything to hurt yourself.
I'm always going to be here, to watch over you.
I love you.
Always remember that.

didievertellyou?

I know you said something about us being sick of each other lately.

I think we're just in weird moods because we're always tired or whatever.

I'm definitely not sick of you.

In fact....

I love every minute.

Even if we do get all adklgha with each other sometimes.

But really.

We're always doing something.

From driving to hanging out at Java Java to going to all these shows.

I love it.

And I'm really glad I'm doing all these things with you.

I'd rather it be you than anyone, really.

(:

So I've decided something.

But I'm not going to tell you on here.

I just want to see your reaction.

xD

I know you're going to laugh at me.

Just remind me to tell you.

Though I don't think I'm going to forget.

Anyway...

I love you dearly.

<3

ps; yes, the title is a synthetic division song, before you ask.

xD

Even if I don't necessarily have something to say....

I love you.
Always remember that.

Je sais.

I know that you're thankful for what I've done. You don't even really have to thank me, or tell me that you're thankful. I just know.
I'm glad that I can be here for you now. I know I've let a lot out on you before, though nothing ever this serious. But I'm still glad you've got one sane person [or as sane as I can be] that you can come to. I know I'm not family, and I've never been in this harsh of a situation, but I do understand. I think you know that.
I'm just hoping mom doesn't get adgkhadlg about me being involved and whatnot. I realize they aren't my family, and some people get funny about non-family members being involved. But this seems to help you, so I think she'll be okay with it.
I'm not funny about you staying with me. You can if you want to. Take it one day at a time, like we're doing. But you can stay with me if you want. I know your aunt's is adgklhisjglksfjgCRAZY. Yeah. =/
I don't want you to hesitate with anything. If you need a place to go, someone to take you somewhere, someone to save you, whatever....I'm always here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise.
I wonder....what you would do if we didn't have each other. You know, like before, when we didn't talk. -sigh- I don't even want to think about that. I'm just glad I'm here now, and you're here, and that things seem to be going okay with us, even if everything else is hell.

I expect you'll get tired of hearing this, but you need to understand and believe it...

It'll all be okay in the end. I promise. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

ILOVEYOU<3

kdghlakdg.

I enjoyed earlier.
I really miss spending time with you.
And being able to lay around with you and run my hands through your hair, and whatnot.
The same story as always.
I just miss it, dammit!
xD

I talked to Peter about space.
I guess we'll see how that goes.
-__-
It's weird but ugh.
Whatever.
I don't want to even discuss that situation.
-flails-

Come lay down with me.
D:
imissyou.


watashi ha eien ni anata no mono desu.

<3

trois mots simplès.

I miss you too.
A lot.
-sigh-

I'm not quite sure what to do, either.
You said to let things flow, but I don't think you want to wait so long...
Or maybe I'm wrong.
I don't know.

So I guess you have impulses.
So do I.
It's pretty hard sometimes, cause I always just want to blurt something out.
Usually I just want to tell you I love you, or hug you, or something.
But.....idk.
I guess I get scared you'll be all AHHICANTTAKETHATRIGHTNOW or something.
So it's damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

Yeah.
I remember.
But I'm more used to this than I was that.
Hmm...
-sigh-

You want back in.
I'd love to say just come back to me.
But it's not that simple.
And I hate it.
So much.
ughitsnotfair.
Can't one thing be fucking simple around here?

Why don't we just see how things go over the next couple days or something.
-shrug-
idontknow.
It's really hard to say that when all I want to do right now is curl up with you and rub your tummy and tell you I love you and everything's going to be okay.
adlgkjsfilgbfsji;ljb;silbjiwr]tjsiklg.

Don't go anywhere, please.
You may just kill us both.
D:

What is one to do...

enkai gairo.

kjghsruvsrgjns.
...idk.
Just felt like doing that.

So I think we established that the beach was amazing.
It really did clear my head, calm my mind.
But it never stopped me from thinking about you.

I felt weird while I was gone.
I know me being away wasn't a big deal, cause it's not like we really see each other on weekends.
But I still got this weird feeling, being away from you; I really missed you.
Usually the beach makes me think a lot.
So I guess that's part of it, even if it did clear my head.

ldkgh;slf.
imissyou.
comelaydownwithme.

loveyou<3




ps;
do you realize i've posted 146 of these things to you?
o___o

l'amour triomphe de tout.

Jeremy....
-sigh-
Where to start...

We have been through a lot. I've been through more with you than anyone else I know. And I know we can't seem to get things to work the way I think we'd both like them to, but it's okay. I understand, you understand. And I think as long as we're on the same level, it's okay. We'll be okay. And we're definitely on the same level. Everything you said...is what I've tried to say for ages now. I never could get it out, though. Find the right words, the proper way to say them. I've felt it for a while. Seen it in you...your eyes are a dead giveaway. At least, to me. I don't think anyone else can see it. We have a connection no one else is going to understand. I get the same things you get. Your touch, your voice, when you look at me...I get this rush of something every time. It never fails. I feel like I'm actually alive. Like I'm flying. There's something about your presence that helps me. Calms me. Saves me. I don't care if you've hurt me. I mean, I guess I do to a point. But it's not what matters now. I've learned things from you, from our experiences, good or bad. And I'm thankful for that. I know I've hurt you, too. We're going to hurt each other. That's part of love. But I'm sure you've realized that. It's something we're going to have to accept. And yes, I'm not going to deny. I do need you, in multiple ways. You know me...very well. Better, I believe, than anyone. You've gotten deeper inside me, my mind, my heart....than anyone ever has. I wonder sometimes what I would do if I lost you and knew I couldn't get you back. Life is pretty empty without you around. I think you know that feeling. I'm thankful I have you. Even if we do get adklghald sometimes, and get on each other's nerves and have a million other things going on in our minds/lives. That's life. That's us. We know each other. We understand. And I'm glad you're here. I'm always gonna be here for you, too. No matter what.

I love you. And I care about you. More than anything or anyone in the world.
I don't know where we're going with this. You know what I say. Whatever happens happens. We go in circles so much, something's almost expected to happen. But...I don't know what to do, what to tell you. I think we both know what we want. We just can't have it. Which...well. Really fucking sucks. Just sayin'. You say I can't do it...but I don't think you can either [even though you didn't say anything about yourself.]
I would give anything to make this work, you know.

"La vie est vide de sens sans vous."

I'm always going to be your Bella.
You're always going to be my Edward.

I guess we'll see what happens from here. At least you know where I stand. We're on the same level. In the same boat. Whatever. Don't be afraid or hesitate to tell me anything. And I'll work on telling you things. Lets keep what we have now in good shape, yeah? (:

That didn't kill me. It helped me. I finally know what's been on your mind that I could never properly read when I saw you. I know you've been holding this back a while. =/ I'm okay though. Honestly...more okay than I was before I read it. Thank you. (:

I love you.

imsorry.

I don't know what to say.
I've felt things lately...
Seen them in you....
I don't know.

What is one to do?
Tell me.
I don't know.

I love you.
I do.
So much.
It's insane.
What am I supposed to do about it?
Hmm?

You know perfectly well you cannot just tell me HEY DON'T READ THIS PART while you're all sorts of alkdvnakibharlibj because of music and memories and thoughts and shit, and expect me to listen to you.
Just write the damn thing, before you explode.
If you'd read my blog instead of losing them, you might know what I said like, three days ago.

I don't know how to handle this.
There's too much.
....
I feel like pushing Peter away.
I think I made that clear earlier.
I just can't handle everything right now.
I've got way too many people all over me.
And omg.
....

I'm not pushing you away.
That's the last thing I want to do.
...
I....don't know what's on your mind in terms of me but I've got a good damn idea.
And I can't do this again.
Unless you're absolutely certain of yourself.
Fat chance there.
-sigh-

This is why I asked if you had my blog, and read it the other day.
I wrote this......three days ago?
"I, for once, don't have much to say. I'm okay with you, and where we stand. I know what's okay and what's not. We both seem to be doing well. I'm glad. Please tell me if you think otherwise, though. If you've got something to say, say it. Please."

I really wish you'd tell me when things are on your mind.
Which is another reason why I don't want you to keep whatever it is from me in that blog.

iloveyou.

imsorryimlikethis.

What is one to do........

uhm.

We seem to be moving on.
Like, both of us.
Guess that's a good thing.

Though you do seem far more bothered with things pertaining to me than I do with you.
Don't really get that.
But.
Okay.
-shrug-

Hmm.
idk.
This was pointless.
Just felt like saying that.

Still don't get how I'm acting weird.
Unless you count be being so bothered by Kevin.
But.
Whatever.
What is one to do?
And you know my luck.
...
I'm shutting up.

Anyway.
...
idk.
Whatever.

ghdgdg.

I sort of wonder how you're doing.
But I'm not saying a word.
Sorry.
Not until you do [and I see that you're okay/not going to rip my head off].

idceither.

I'm backing off for a few days.
Giving you space.
Because you're being nonsensical.
So...
Whatever.

I don't care...

sick.

I wish you'd make up your fucking mind.

You're driving me crazy.
Guess we're even now.

Now stop contradicting yourself.






Yes, I am a little irate.

dgkjaeg.

I don't get it.
You say you don't know or understand why you're lakdga at me right now.
But your blog says you do.

Make up your mind.

I really wish you'd get over whatever it is.
Because it's driving me nuts.
Seriously.
>_< -epicsigh-

Okay.
I understand that it's hard for you to deal with your "love" for me sometimes.
But seriously.
Snapping at me/lashing out at me is not the way to fix that.

That argument we just had?
Reminded me of the last days we had when we were together.
That was not a pretty memory.
Well, memories.
Or images.
Or anything.

If you want to distance yourself from me, I understand.
I'm sure I'll care in the morning, but right now...
I don't really give a fuck.

You really pissed me off.
First time in forever.
-sigh-

I...don't know what to do with you sometimes.

I just hope tomorrow I'll be okay with sleep and health, and you'll not be so fucking annoyed at me.
Since we started talking again, I haven't felt any fear or anything in your "shut up", or snappiness, or whatever.
I usually try to calm you down, or just shrug it off.
And it works.
But this time it scared me.

I'm not leaving just because.
I'll only leave if you want me to.
Or if you push me away.
Kay?

As for the cd, I was really excited about it.
Still am, but what can I do?
So.
...
I don't know.
I think it's the OCD to a point, in the sense that you continue to edit and mix and stuff.
But I also think a part of you doesn't want to give up your music.
Like, yeah a person here or there hears a song every once in a while.
But you're handing over a pile of it.
And you're probably all akdghdkla!!! about that.
But.
It might make sense when I say that maybe I'm one of the best people to give your music to.
...
But whatever you think/want.
I just hope it doesn't take another ten months.
I asked for a cd in like, November.
Remember?

....
I guess I'm done.
-sigh-
I hope, hope, HOPE things will be okay tomorrow.

<3

i am.....

Currently listening to ampm.
And it's making me all ~~~ in the stomach.
I love it.
So much.

I really want that cd.
Hurry up!!!
I'm too excited.

I haven't been this excited about anything for ages.
(:

thisiswhathappens....

when it's after midnight and i'm exhausted and space out.

dear god.
after midnight?
....
what's with all the fucking ampm references in my life now?
ugh.

anyway.
i decided to go back and look at some of the notes i wrote to you.
going all the way back to last year.
apparently i started this thing in november or something?
idk.

anyway.
i read something.
and remembered the.....second or third? time you were over here.
when you kissed me the first time.
...i definitely just got chills.
(:

i don't really know why i'm telling you this.
just felt like saying it.
and it wouldn't really mean anything to anyone but you.
so...yeah.

hmm...
(:

itspastmidnight...

I'm so tired.
x__x
I don't know how or why I'm still up.

Anyway...
You seem to not be so akldghlad about us still spending time together and junk.
But then again, maybe I'm just too tired to notice it.
Just take it one day at a time, yeah?

You did look like you were about to cry in the meeting hall today.
What was that about?
o_O
I thought maybe it was the song...
Cause you said you were listening to it and whatnot.
So.
.....
-sigh-

I'm excited about the cd.
I still really want to know the lyrics of Bella.
But I may as well give up.
If I keep bothering you about them, who knows what'll happen.
You'll probably kick me.
xD
Anyway...
Hurry up with this thing, yeah?
I wanna hear some stuff.
(:

And I know I had a bunch of other stuff to say.
But I'm so tired I can't fucking think.
I get a thought, and like, ten seconds later it's gone.
D:

I have this idea to work on fractal junk and somehow work it into AMPM.
....
o_O
Yeah, I don't know how that would work.
Just a thought, I suppose.

That floor thing was weird earlier.
Just sayin'.

Ugh.
Sleep.
Now.

<3

I can't figure it out.

What's the "look at me. i love you" thing?
I don't get it.

The only thing I can think of is Gone with the Wind.
xD

<3

. . .

I knew it.
I mean.
I did say we were getting distant.
And all that other crap.

I saw the distance.
I felt it.
There's no point in you holding off on telling me things, because I always sense something.
You should know that.
And seriously.
Suspense kills me.
I've waited so long for you to tell me how we were going to work the relationship out.
You never did.
So I figured there wasn't anything to that after a while.
And then when you went all akdhglkdjgiorhg and junk.
Distance, reactions, things you said, things you did, this, that....
I knew it wouldn't work out.

....
Idk.


I'm not mad at you.
Not upset.
Nothing.
I'm okay.
I told you I would be.
I told everyone else too, that if something happened like this, I'd be fine.
I only wish you'd just said it earlier, instead of putting it off.
I don't think you can break me anymore.
It's hard to explain.
But it makes sense to me.
-sigh-

You said you hurt me.
And yes, you did.
Like, you know....
The past crap.
But I'm over it.
I wish you'd get over it.
You broke me, you put me back together.
A little differently, but uhh, I like it.
err...
>___>
Anyway, you haven't hurt me this time, except by being so damn weird with me this last week or so.
And that hasn't really hurt me, just weirded me out.
So.....
You know.

Anyway.
Whatever.
Life....
xD

akldg;aldg.
Either way.
I love you.
That's never going to change.
(:

I wanna know what you're giving me tomorrow.
I have a hunch.
o_O

-coughistillwanttoknowaboutthedreamcough-
You know, there is such thing as elaboration.
xDDDDD

<33

blocked off.

I'm getting better. At least, I think I am. I seem to have more strength lately. Or maybe that's just cause Kat's around a lot the last couple days. She's a pillar of strength, believe it or not.

I don't think you're getting better. Which scares me. And it seems to me you can't even talk to me anymore. If you need space, sure. That's fine. I just.....I don't know.

It's like you have things to say to me. But you can't say them. And I know you do that sometimes, but not this much. And I wish you'd just say them. Or maybe you don't have anything to say. I can't tell what's going through your mind right now. Like you have some sort of shield up. It's odd.

I also feel like you're trying to ask for help, but you can't. And I don't know what to do. And I wish I did. I wish I could make everything perfect. Make your mind calm, okay.

I'm not going anywhere.
So if you need me, I'll be there.
I promise.

I love you<3

ego sum iens admitto.

ego sum vix.

vobis.
mihi.
nobis.



you figure that out.
if it's worth it.

sldihrjbgeh.

Write.



Write, write, write.



I love you.
Hang in there.
Please.
<3

pavidus.

I think I'm losing you.




...I don't know what else to say.
D:

<3




[Seven hours later]

Maybe I'm not losing you.
...I don't know.
I think you want to tell me what's wrong, and can't.
I really wish I knew.
It scares me.
It worries me.
I know it does both to you, too.

You're so quiet.
It's like you can't talk to me.
Maybe you're like that with everyone.
I don't know.
Everything's so different.
Maybe it's just me, since I've been so out of it this week.
But it'd make perfect sense for us to fall apart in the middle of all of this.
I mean, you know.
Look how things have been.
Everyday something else happens.

I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to say.
I want to help you.
I don't know how.
You won't talk to me.
I don't want you to burst.
I'm terrified I'm going to get another text or a call at like, 3am, asking me to save you.
I don't want that again.
I want you to be okay.
I want to do anything that would make you better.
No matter what it is.
You look so upset and stressed out lately, especially today, I just wanted to grab you and hug you and tell you everything was okay.
But I was afraid to.
Afraid you'd flip out or something.
=/

I can't stand it when you're in situations like this.
When you feel like this.
Have so much on your mind.
It kills me, too.

I love you.
Be okay.
Please.
<3

longinquus?

I feel distance.
I don't know why.
Like, I just feel like you're distancing yourself from me a bit.
You don't say as much.
I just don't want it to be because of something I did or whatever.

I'm not saying we have to be attached all the time, and blahblah.
It just worries me.
Because I know you have a lot on your mind.
You're not usually that quiet about it now.
But you are this time.
And I feel weird.
-shrug-
Maybe it's cause you know I have a lot in my head right now, and you don't want to pressure me anymore?
If that's the case, I'd rather you tell me anyway.
>___>

I just want you to be okay.
I love you dearly.
And I'm always here.
<3

x__x

I don't keep track of these half the time.
-__-
It's weird not writing to you, though.

I don't really know what to say.
Everything I've had on my mind you already know.
So...you know.

I do want to thank you for putting up with me and my weird, sick self.
I know I get spacey and stupid when I'm sick.
It's the medication and my lack of oxygen.
=/

You did cheer me up a bit today, though.
You always cheer me up, when you're around.
(:

And here's hoping I don't have anything more serious than a cold.
I tried coming home and sleeping, and I kept waking up.
It hurts to breathe.
Like, my chest still hurts.
And I'm coughing more.
So I hope I don't have like, strep or mild bronchitis or something.
Blegh.

Come save me.
I keep having crying spells.
D:
At least you know how bad I feel now.
-sigh-

Thank you for the meds.
Thank you for being there.
Thank you for....being you.
(:

I love you<3

why are the notes so long these days?

-screams-
We really need a day together.
Not at school or wherever.
We can never be ourselves anywhere else but here or at your house.
^__o
Bleh.

I just miss spending that kind of time with you.
And if I didn't see you on certain days at school, I'd probably be going mad here.

Your blog....was really cute.
Oh, how I love you.

Someone's jealous of us.
Kat, to be exact.
Something about raw love and blahblah.
I guess you'd have to understand who she is and what she's dealt with/what she does.
But....yeah.
-_____-

So...you're doing stupid things?
What stupid things?
o_O

Yes, my class went well.
Teacher's....a little bitchy but otherwise things are fine.
Hmm, it'll be interesting.
-__-

I need to read for religion, but the only thing I can focus on right now is you.
And us.
And how much I love you.
And miss you.
And just want to curl up beside you and watch you sleep, let you hold me, run my fingers through your hair, kiss you......
-screams-

Well, now that I've got that out there...
I don't know.
I guess I'll go read before I end up behind, already.

I better get a little time with you tomorrow between classes.
(:

ILOVEYOU<3

i amuse myself.

I was just reading through the notes I've written to you.
And I love how I always say I'm not coming back.
And here I am.

You're irresistible, apparently.
(:

Just as a sidenote, Ashley's weirded out by Kat's "blessing" thing.
I'm still dying from that.
xD

iloveyou<3

. . .

I'm glad I got to see you today.
Even if it wasn't for very long.
And Kat was there.
.....she likes you now.
I came home and she said I "have her blessing."
O_____O
So.....
...I don't know what to say to that.
-facepalm-
I guess we can get married now?
....
I need help. xD

You need to realize that when you get to a certain point on the way home, your phone cuts off.
You need to cut your conversations off till you get home.
xD
I can't get half of what yer saying because you apparently don't realize you're breaking up.
...like that day in walmart.
-shakes head-

I really hope I didn't wake you up with that stupid text.
-__-
You can kill me later if I did.
=/

So....question.
Not that you ever answer any of these questions on here.
But uhh.
Are you weird about being "together" in public?
You act a little different, timid even, when we're out somewhere.
Not saying we have to hang all over each other.
Haha.
It doesn't bother me, really.
I'm just curious, cause I get that feeling, and I don't want you to be all aldkhgiug or something.

Save me from the dentist tomorrow?
x____x

...Why do I always write the most pointless stuff, and you still like it?
O_O
I sound ridiculous.
Maybe I should stop writing these when I'm exhausted.
I know you're sitting there like ^__o

Blegh, I need sleep.
getoverhere. D:

koishiteru wa<3

becauseialwayshavetosaysomething.

Oh, I miss you.
D:

If you're still planning to go to that thing in WV, I definitely want some time with you before you go.
-sigh-

Seems like you had a decent day.
At least you don't hate your history class like I did.
I'm not even going there.
xD
And parking?
I didn't have any issue today, and I got there around 1:30 I think.
Oh well.

So what's up with the text thing from this morning?
Your stomach getting that weird feeling....
(:
Butterflies the size of elephants?
I always get those. -__-

lolz@yourfaceinyourblog.
Silly<3

This is pointless.
But chances are you're sitting there smiling anyway.
lolz (:

loveyou<3

justbecauseifeellikesayingthis.

iloveyou.

(:

Aaaaaand....

the fear is gone.
I have no idea why that even came up.
Lasted a couple days.
It was really random.
But it didn't bother me that much anyway, just baffled me.
You've given me no reason to fear anything.
Maybe it's just a natural reaction?
Cause you know, I used to always be scared something was gonna happen.
It's ridiculous is what it is.

Anyway, no worries.
You're safe.
I guess I'm safe.
I'm over it.
Blahblahallthatcrapp.
(:

Sooooooooooo.....
When are you posting that blog you mentioned a while back?
I'm seriously curious.
xD

....damn faces.
ITSAHABIT
=/
You're going to have to get used to them, you know.
-sigh-

iloveyoutimes49750294.
<3

imrunningoutoftitles.

Somehow I knew you'd still write a blog.
Bahaha.
...Not that you were in any condition for that last night.
You looked like you were ready to fall in the floor.
o_O

You make things easier for me to deal with.
With this family crap and whatever else.
Iuno.
I guess you just reminding me that you love me comforts me or something.
(:

You told me I need to watch Chumscrubber.
I guess I need to.
Hmm.

I'm glad you started using dA.
Now I can stalk you more.
...
Not really.
But it's nice to see some of your stuff.
Ha.

...I think you messed up yer url in the blog.
Or not.
o_O
I'm starting to think you shouldn't write blogs when you're medicated and exhausted.
-___-

Ehh.
You and that blog.
Just post it already.
You know, normally I'd be terrified to see what's in a blog about me.
Especially being at this point....not quite a relationship but pretty much?
....
You know what I mean.
But this time....I'm not freaking out.
I don't think I have anything to worry about.
If you prove me wrong by some ridiculous chance, I'm kicking you and then kicking myself.
That's that.
xD
I feel too confident about this to even say that without feeling weird about it.
....
That didn't make sense.
But I'm sure you still get it.
xD

Blahblahblah.
This is pointless.
I'm sure you'll end up laughing at me.
.....
(:

I need a shower.
So, as Mary says, I'm off like a prom dress.
.....
*cracks up*
(:

ILOVEYOUSOMUCH<3

!@#&%^#%(!%@$#%

SEX ON THE FLOOR?!?!?!
Oh god, we're insane.
But I love every moment of it.
(:

So we spent the entire day laying around in bed.
Bahaha.
Seriously, we'll never get anything accomplished if we live together.
xD
But I definitely had fun.
You're so silly.

Tell Victoria to go away.
>_<
She....weirds me out.
Idk.

Uhm, so Jared brought up a good point.
What exactly are we doing?
Like, yeah I know we've been telling everyone we're talking and blahblah.
I'm sort of waiting on you to figure out what to call this.
I mean, I see it as a relationship.
I don't see us running after anyone else anytime soon, and we spend every moment going <33
So you know.
Whatever floats your hippo, I guess.

Lalala.
Come over tomorrow so we can take pictures and whatever.
(:

I noticed your mood change.
When I got there you looked awful.
Like, I could tell you felt like hell, and all that crap.
But by the time I left you looked like you could run a marathon.
I don't think you felt it, but you definitely looked better.
So...
Was it the meds?
Or was it me?
xD
I know you wanted me to come over yesterday, so....you know.

I'm so tired.
-__-
getoverhereandstaythenightwithme.
(:

I love you!!!!











Damn this thing.
It always thinks I'm putting in HTML when I do <33
....
>_<

nagai.

....What a way to wake up.
I got the text from you that you left at like, 5 this morning.
Then I got up, and read your blogs.
.........
(:

I love you.
And I cannot even begin to explain how I felt when I read the two blogs.
You make me happy beyond words.
Really.
ad;ogja;dljgaAAAAHHHH (:

Let's make this work, yeah?
You. Me. Us. Together.
I think it's safe.
I really do.
(:

...and what song were you listening to?

getoverherenow.
iloveyou<3

Bliss?!?!

This evening/tonight was amazing.
(:
I really missed spending time with you like that.
*sigh*

I really want things to work out.
You know that.
And I think you do, too.
You were in a better mood than I expected you to be in, really.
Hmm...
I guess I thought you were gonna run off like last time, and be all AHHHNOOOOOOITSNOTRIGHT or something.
It tends to stay in your head, no matter what.
=/

Hmm....
My bed still smells like you.
It's nice.
So chances are I'll be able to sleep well tonight.
If only you were really here.......
*sigh*

I love you.
<3

just...

(:

spur of the moment...?

i miss having you beside me.
you know, us cuddling and whatnot.
hmm....
=/

getoverhere.
(:

and totally random, but why do you like reading these so much?
i mean, i'm sure they make you happy or something.
but something tells me there's more to it.
^__o


iloveyou.