Untitled o2.

I don't mean, in any way, to hurt you with this.
But this is how I'm feeling right now, and what I'm thinking.
You know I'm a tad on the bitter side, right now.
And, it's not like you didn't just crush me.


You're over it.
....liar.
You don't have a fucking clue what you want.


We were practically there.
At least, from my point of view, we were.
Everything was fine.
Going smooth.
Whatever.


And then Amelia called.
It got you thinking.
And, as much as I respect your feelings and your past, I think it's completely absurd that you're contemplating your feelings for her again or whatever you're doing.
You didn't even talk to her.
AND.
You told me you didn't want anything to do with her.
Said it to my face.
When you were here.
Yep.
Just called her back out of respect, being nice, whatever.


I don't know how much I can believe now.
I don't know if that was the truth or a lie.
I don't see how you can fucking be over it that fast.
Unless, of course, you were playing me the whole time.
Which makes no sense to me.


"I think we need to take things a bit slower for both of our sake."
You said that in the message.
And well.
What are we taking slower if you uhh.
Are over me?
Or the situation?
Or whatever.
I mean.
If you leave it at just friends, then you know, there's nothing to take slow.
Usually, when people say that, they mean take one step at a time into a relationship sort of thing.
You know?
Makes sense to me.
And I sit here and think about everything that's happened between us.
I don't see you truthfully saying it's over and we're friends.
You know damn well we're not done.

And that text.
After I gave you the damn note.
You sent me that text saying "Uhm...i uhh feel the same...yet im just blah about it. im afraid of hurting you or myself."
So.
Either you have feelings for me or you don't, Jeremy.
Pick something.


We need to have a talk face to face.
Because I'm not even sure how much I can believe anymore.
You said you wouldn't lie and whatever.
But honestly.
I can't believe that.
As ironic as it sounds.


Thinking back, the first time you ever got any information out of me [by badgering the hell out of me] was uhm, when I told you I had feelings for you.
Uhm.
That was even when you were still with Vic.
But even then, I never believed you when you said you had no feelings towards me.


You're unsure of yourself.
And we have lack of communcation on YOUR part.
I tell you everything, you tell me nothing.
So.
I think something needs to come out.
...now.
You're living in the past or something.
I don't even know.
If you'd get yer shit together, we might have something.
Well.
You would.
I'm not sure if I should uhh, use the term "we" anymore.
Since you seem to be fine and dandy without me.


Thanks.
A lot.
For crushing me.
Like no other.
I'm not sure what you expected, or even what you were thinking when you said "I don't wanna hurt you at all".
Because uhh.
You did the exact opposite, Jeremy.
And it's a pretty harsh feeling.
Probably the worst I've ever felt; physically, mentally, emotionally.
And I'd be totally okay if you'd just be open with me.
And stop covering everything up.


I still love you.
Somehow.
And as of right now, I'll be waiting.


Bella.



ps;
You can't say "fuck love" if you never loved me.